When we lie to our children

For the past two weeks or so Erik and I have been discussing finding a new home for our puppy. He is a great little dog and I love him lots (even when he's peeing on the floor..grr), but the timing was just wrong. He was not planned for and when the woman offered him to us spur of the moment, we couldn't really pass up a papered pup for free. But that was when either Erik or I were home all times of the day. Once Erik started his new job in the north, the poor little guy had to spend the majority of his day in the kennel while I was at work. I'd drive home each day and let him out for a pee break and to run for a few minutes, but then straight back into the kennel. It just isn't how a puppy should live.

We both agreed that if we could find a better home for him, we'd let him go. I have been looking for a loving family for a little while and just the other day found a potential one. I had a call from a woman who was interested. She and her boyfriend just bought a house, had no kids yet, and no other pets, and were looking to get one. Although they are young, they seemed right. I went over and checked out their house (I'm not sending my pup to some skeez-ball's house). It was clean and had an area for him to play.

Today after work I took him to their house. Gave them the kennel and his toys, his food and bowl, his leash and collar. He kept trying to follow me out the door when I was getting things. I told them a bit about his routines and then left. I was pretty upset. Although this is the best move for him and us, it was sad because I was already attached to him and I'm nervous the new people won't love him right (lol).

After getting the girls from daycare we came home to an empty house. About 40 minutes after being here Addie noticed Carter was not around. She asked where he was and I answered "He went to visit his mommy". I lied. I couldn't tell her he wouldn't be coming back again. Just his being gone on a "visit" caused a whole evening of break downs and crying. She found a toy I had missed and wailed for 30 minutes about how much "he needed it and we had to take it to him to visit his mommy."

In then end I know it's the best thing for us all. Explaining why we gave away a member of our family to a three year old is a difficult task and one that I'm not sure she really even gets. For weeks now we've been telling her how he's part of our family and that's why we have to love him and be nice to him, and now I've just taken that family to live elsewhere. Here I am teaching her to tell the truth and yet I lie. It feels terrible.

Arts and Crafts

I'll admit I'm not the best when it comes to making awesome scrapbooks and projects. I mean when I sit down to do it and I actually have the time, I can make some pretty artsy things, but finding that time is my downfall. I want to preserve all of the girls' artwork so they can look back on it later in life, but being honest with myself, I know that I probably won't do anything with it. So instead I've decided to start taking pictures of all their artwork and crafts and then tossing them (I'll probably keep the great ones or really unique ones!). Every now and again you may find a post of artwork. I hope you appreciate it as much as I do.

Fall Leaves, Adalia, Fall 2009

Penguin Thermometer, Adalia, Winter 2009

Finger Painting, Adalia, August 2010

Finger Painting, Bethany, August 2010

Finger Painting using blocks, Adalia, August 2010

Finger Painting using blocks, Bethany, August 2010

Only on a Friday the 13th

Today was an odd day to say the least! The day at work was pretty bleh, but the call I got from Erik just hammered home the weirdest of months.

Let me start back on Tuesday when I received a text from Erik saying "Call me when you can, I'm thinking of coming home." Reading this text absolutely confused the crap out of me. When the option to go to CP first came up, I pretty much had a mental breakdown trying to cope with the idea of living alone, working full-time, and having my husband and the girls' dad inaccessible for possibly months. As the bigger picture of our current situation came to light over the next week or two, I realized that we really had no other option. We just weren't making it on the salaries we were pulling in at work, so we had to do something to remedy our situation and fast. This was not a time to be our typical lazy selves... proactive was the key. I agreed to him going away and came to terms with how our lives would be.

The next few weeks of me preparing went by without a hitch other than I didn't get as much done as I had liked. Then it all hit at once. The first week he was gone.. not too bad. I sent the girls away to my mom's to help while I fixed some stuff at work. The next week: pure hell. I pretty much lost 3 employees in 10 days due to transfers, the military, and new jobs. I was screwed. I somehow managed to make it through and I think I only broke down once, and it wasn't for long.

Fast forward to this week and the text he sends me. I called him up and ask what's up. He repeats that he wants to come home. I promptly and flat out say "no". I did not just have my life suck ass for 3 weeks so that he could quit. It was very selfish of me and childlike, but I wasn't having it. We agreed to this sacrifice and we were both going to stick it through. He then explained to me some of the bullshit the new railroad was pulling, and I understood his side a bit more. He also mentioned the pay would be less than they had originally told us. At this point my mind is racing and I'm trying to figure out what I should do. We're going to lose the house.. that's it. I just say "Fine, come home. Whether you're here or there, we can't pay the mortgage, so what's it matter."

He spent the evening rethinking the situation and figured some more stuff out. He calls me back and says he'll stay and stick it out, because at least it's more than we were making. Then Friday rolls around.

Friday afternoon he gets a call from CP to come into work, accepts the call and hangs up. Within a minute his phone rings again. This time it's UP! They ask him if he'd like to come back to work on the extra board in Boone!!!! What the fuck?!?! Now? Now they call? After all of this shit? I'm so happy and at the same time I'm just thinking to myself "what the fuck did we have to go through the past month for then?" Erik could've stayed on with me at work and it would've been so much better. Good news is I already have a babysitter secured.

So now our lives actually haven't changed much compared to last week other than we'll now possibly see each other every few days. I'll still be working 50 hours a week, the girls will still be in daycare, but hopefully we'll be able to pay the bills next month, (which will be nice). I still have the getting out of debt mindset and it's been very hard to get out of debt when we've barely been able to get out of each month most of the time. I can't wait for September 1st now!

Taking Jake home

We had to take Jacob home today to make sure he was prepared for football tomorrow. The trip down to the border went pretty well, although the girls pretty much ended up eating crackers, cookies, and junk for dinner because of the car trip. (It's ok though, they ate an awesome lunch!) Traffic was terrible for my parents so Jacob and I had to entertain the girls for over and hour at the rest stop we were meeting up at. Luckily there is a lake about 200 yards from the travel center building, so we took a trip down to the rocky shore and explored. The downside was the temperature outside was about 99 degrees with a reallllly high humidity. We survived, but man were we sweaty!

Gathering and throwing rocks in the water

Looking for fish

Did I mention it was hot outside?

Catepillar we found at the lake (picture taken by Addie)

Bethany trying to touch the catepillar


Once Grandma and Papa showed up we played around near the picnic tables for a while letting the girls get their wiggles out. I wish I would've caught on film the way that Bethany ran to my dad when she saw him, it was perfect.

Bethany preparing to jump to Grandma


Anything Beth can do..... Addie can of course do better (at least she thinks)


Adalia, Grandma, Uncle Jake

Bethany, Papa, Addie, Grandma, Jacob

Bethy showing Papa how she can walk on her hands

My little jumper pre-jump

Floods of 2010

Yesterday Jacob, the girls, and I drove over to Ames so he could get a quick glimpse at the campus. We drove through campus, around the athletics facilities, and around the off campus bar/restaurant area. Today though we're seeing pictures of the flooding that is occurring in Ames and I'm a bit shocked. Take a look at these photos on the Des Moines Register's website. It's amazing. Apparently this was the worst flood that Ames has ever had on record.

http://www.desmoinesregister.com/apps/pbcs.dll/gallery?Site=D2&Date=20100811&Category=NEWS&ArtNo=8110802&Ref=PH&Item=0

We were just in that parking lot near the football stadium last night! I hope that this doesn't last too long! Freshmen are scheduled to move in this week I think.

Uncle Jake comes to visit

Saturday the girls and I drove down to the IA/MO border to pick up my brother, Jacob. He had the week off from work and from football and insisted he come to visit. Who in the world wants to come to Boone, Iowa? Not that I'm complaining as we don't get visitors around here. I was actually pretty excited to have some company to talk to and the girls could play with.

Today was spent cleaning house and just hanging around. Jacob took the car around town a little bit to continue his manual education. (So far the engine has not fallen out, so he's doing ok I suppose.)

Addie and Bethany are super excited to have him here too. They love their Uncle Jake. He's great for climbing on and being tossed around and as a human swing. Plus he brought his ipod which is capable of hours of entertaining for Addie. All in all a great day for us all!

One week down

Well we've officially survived the first week. Although it has been one hell of a week (for me), I think we'll be able to manage this for a while. I worked the overnight schedule again on Thursday into Friday morning. Stayed awake for about 25 hours straight and didn't screw anything up majorly. Success! Picked up the girls from the daycare around 3:30pm and we had a pretty good evening.

We had to run to the grocery store for dinner stuff. Unfortunately I didn't make a menu or list, so I've got a whole counter full of snack foods and junk, instead of whole meals and good foods. Actually we got a ton of fruit so that's got to be good right? Adalia and Bethany were both awesome helpers in the store, choosing items and putting them in the basket. Good girls = balloons, so we all left happy.

I had to go back into work around 7pm and my two little helpers went with me. They helped me make a few bags of ice (riding on the bottom of the cart), sweep up some trash (yell and point out dirt to me), and change the gas price signs (carry the numbers and clap for me). It's weird taking them in with me in this sort of situation, but truly I don't know what else to do. I have no one here that can help out in the evenings. I figure as long as they are happy and enjoying it, I'm ok with doing it. Usually I'll just pile some paper and pens on a box and let them make artwork while I do what I need. Every time Bethany goes to the store, she immediately runs in and heads straight to the check stand to pull out coin tubes. The people of Boone will just have to learn to love my kiddos as much as I do, as I'm sure they'll see the three of us in there a lot!

I'm thinking of getting some pictures of the girls soon. It's been over a year and I'd like some new ones. As always I'll have to see if I can find some coordinating outfits. I'm trying to decide if I want to go the matching way or just the coordinating way.

Here's to the next day and a half of doing nothing.

Thursday's dose of bleh

Seriously, if you're still reading this junk by now, you must really be a glutton for punishment. Pity party of 1 please? I've decided that I have until Monday to be cranky and then I must stop.

Addie and Bethany had another good day at daycare today. So far, no real issues I can see with this new daycare provider. In fact, Addie seems excited to go over there each day. Today when I arrived they were about to go for a walk, or so thought Addie! They both seem to be doing just fine... unlike mommy.

Last week I had to work an overnight shift and it actually wasn't that bad. I worked that day, came home and napped, worked the shift, and went home to sleep again. Well it turns out that I must work overnight again. This time, however, the kiddos are here with me instead of in KC, and I get no nap before going in for the shift. I'm having someone come stay at the house with the girls while they sleep and I work, and then I'll come home to take them to daycare, and get to sleep. Soooo who's taking bets I either fall asleep standing up or completely freak out on someone. I mean it's only 26.5 straight hours of being awake. People do this all the time. The guys on Deadliest Catch do it all the time. Military personnel do it too. And even doctors do it! I think I'll survive, but I'm not going down without at least a small (or large) amount of complaining first.

I seriously don't think I'll be able to keep this puppy either. He just keeps peeing everywhere, and I can't deal with it any longer. I don't have the money to fence him in outside, and he'd bark the whole time even if I did (which I'm sure the neighbors would love), and I can't keep leaving him in his kennel as much as I have been. It's not fair to him or me. He's adorable and exactly the type of dog Erik wanted to get, but like everything in our lives, it's always at the wrong time.

Oh yes! I found the tv remote today! At least there's one positive to having to clean up for a guest to come here tonight.

Day 2

Day 2 of being alone. Today started off in a hurry as I overslept. How one manages to turn off 3 alarms and still find a way to get back to sleep, I'll never know. I was having dreams about what I think Twilight? Who knows as I've never seen or read it. But apparently my mind just made up its own version of how the story should go. It was a real page turner in my brain, as I was not able to pull myself out of the dream. We only showed up at Heather's (new daycare) 10-15 minutes after I said we'd be there.

My stress level at work is kind of high lately. I am short 2 managers as I never replaced the first one that was promoted, and now am trying to train people on the go. With Erik's departure and now another employee's guard duty taking her away for weeks, I'm really struggling with the scheduling. I know it will improve, but something's got to give. I have no one who's willing to pick up any slack, and with a tight daycare schedule, it's almost impossible for me to put in any extra hours currently. Oh how I wish I had family nearby... again.

This evening was a bit trying with the girls too. It's hot and I'm tired. Both of their naps were very short compared to normal and you could tell they were tired. This dog is getting on my last freaking nerve. He's still pissing everywhere and I'm sick of it. What helpful advice do I get from my charming husband? "You're just going to have to take him out more babe." Says the man who's only been gone 2 days and already doesn't understand. This was our choice and I'm to blame as much as he, but I can already tell I'll end up resenting him somewhat for this move. It's a bad feeling, but what other choice do we have? We want to live the life we want to live, and the only way to do that is to actually make money and continue down the path to becoming debt free.

I was able to squeeze in another 20 minute workout tonight. My muscles were aching all day from the one on Sunday evening, so I'm not looking forward to tomorrow, but I can't wait for next week. I'm going to try to track this as best I can with pictures and such, but I'm too chicken to post the before shots until I know I've got some results to put them up against. I even got Addie to do a few minutes of the program with me... that is a show I'll tell ya.


Oh ya and the remote has been MIA for 2.5 days now. No where to be found. Please send help!

Time to get in shape

Today is the day I take control of my life. Erik left today for an indefinite amount of time. Could be 2 months, could be 12. We're expecting about 5-6 months, but that remains to be seen.

The past week has been long and tiring. I left last Sunday to take the girls to my mom's house for the week. My sister had a beautiful baby boy, James Kyle Roy, on Monday, July 26th, at 10:07pm via c-section. He's perfect (even for a boy!). I left Tuesday afternoon to drive back to Iowa. Worked Wednesday and Thursday morning, went home slept, worked Thursday overnight, went home slept, worked Friday evening, went home slept, got up and drove to Kansas City again to pick the girls up. I stayed at my mom's last night and this morning we were out the door by 9:45 am (pretty early departure time for us). We raced home so that Erik and the girls could spend time together one more time before he left.

After getting Erik all packed up we all said our goodbyes, with a big ol' group hug (at Addie's demand). Watching him pull away was sad and I think I could've fallen into sadness pretty easily, but I've got a lot to do to prepare for the girls' first day at daycare tomorrow.

I did, however, make time for my first day of exercising. I'm making a change and it's starting today. I want to get in better shape, not lose control of my body, and feel better about myself. I think that having Erik gone is a great time to do this. It will be hard, but man what a surprise it will be to look good and feel great when he returns to us. I'm hoping to keep this us and I'm depending on my friends and family to keep me going. At work I'm considering telling everyone to yell at me if they see me eating junk food. At home, I'm going to ask my mom ask if I've worked out each day.

I just did my first set of Jillian Micheals' 30 Day Shred and oh man did it kick my ass! I can do that everyday. 20 minutes is not that hard to fit in (even while yelling at the kids and the dog and the cat to stop fighting with one another).

Today's the day I start fresh. Here's to hoping I stick to it.