Breaking the Binky

I finally decided tonight would be the first night Addie would go to bed without the binky in nearly 28 months of life. She's almost 2 and half years old and I know that she shouldn't even have had it this long to begin with, but she has always been such a little champ when it came to bedtime, I just didn't want to ruin what we had going.

I kept waiting and waiting for Erik's job to come back so I wouldn't have to work anymore and then I could dedicate more time to things like breaking her from the pacifier and potty training. Unfortunately, there's still no end in sight with the job situation. So I knew I needed to get it done.

This evening about 30 mintues before her normal bedtime I cut a slit in her pacifier and took her upstairs. We sat down on my bed and I showed her the binky and pointed out that it was broken. She fumbled with it and examined the broken binky thoroughly. She kept talking about"binky broken, Bethany choke binky." Then she'd show me exactly how Bethany could choke on the broken binky and she'd cough over and over. (At least we know the conversations about making sure pennies, raisins, and other crap on the floor needs to be picked up, else Bethany might choke on it.)

We went into her bedroom, she climbed into bed and we chatted for a few minutes like we always do. She kept talking about the purple binky being broken and Bethy choking. I told her it was time to get to sleep and started to cover her up and she was like "how 'bout yellow binky?" Damn her and her memory!! Unfortunately for her, I don't even know where the yellow one is.. she's probably got it stuffed away somewhere lol. I explained to her again that it was gone and that the purple one was now broken, told her she was a big girl and didn't need it to fall asleep. She started telling me to take it to daddy and he could be nice to it. I think she wanted him to fix it!

I called Erik up and we both explained to her again what had happened. It slowly started dawning on her near the end I think because she kept touching her mouth and she was at a loss for words. It was all I could do to keep from crying. I can't believe how heart-wrenching it was to watch her realize what was happening.

We finally turned off the lights and said goodnight. I had to walk back into her room 3 times within the first few minutes because she kept talking and talking and talking to me... no wonder they call it a pacifier!! Without it, she won't be quiet! I think she was trying to stall and still trying to figure out the whole situation.

In the end, I cried a lot and she cried a lot. I had to sit with her for a while to get her to sleep and as of now she is sleeping soundly. I just hope we can make it through the next few days ok. I know it has to be done, but man it breaks me heart.